Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
