that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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