I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
