You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
