You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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