this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
