So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
