need another drink. this is the easiest way
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
