I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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