i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
