I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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