hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
