Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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