Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
