so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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