i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
