i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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