Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
