you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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