You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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