He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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