I faked an abortion last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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