Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
