I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
