i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
