You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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