Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You ruined the universe
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
