the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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