I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
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THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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