doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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