Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
