I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
