dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
