if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
