Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
