I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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