i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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