I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
