i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
