Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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