So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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