I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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