I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
