the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
