my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
