Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
