im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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