Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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