Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
