I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
