Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
