I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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