Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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