What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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