we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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