i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
