I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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