My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
