Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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