I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
