I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
