mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
