im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
