i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
