i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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