my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
